Today we’re going to talk about getting triggered and how we are the only one that can allow ourselves to get triggered. You might be saying to yourself, when I get triggered it’s caused by another person or situation, and that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about in this article.

We’re going to talk about the freedom that you gain from understanding that we are the only ones that can trigger ourselves.

A few weeks ago, a situation happened at work that really got me triggered. A client called and asked if we could do something out of the ordinary. I didn’t think we could, but I called my back office to check anyway. The back office said “no”, and I called the client back to let him know that we couldn’t and gave him an alternate suggestion to get the task done.

The next morning, I had an email from him and saying he called our back office and they helped him do the task and he was all set, no need for me to call him back.

Suddenly – I – was – furious! What just happened? I called and was told no, then the client called, literally the same phone number, and they were told “yes.” Why wasn’t I told “yes” and did the client even believe I called? Oooooohhh I was beside myself. Triggered beyond words.

What was my next step, well naturally, I called my girlfriend and ranted to her!

After about 30 minutes in this horrible state of unease, I had an epiphany, I stepped back from the problem for a second and realized that my client’s problem is solved to his satisfaction, he’s happy with me, happy with our back office. He’s moving forward in his life, all is good.

Why was I so completely bent out of shape?

What was I mad at? Well, I was mad that I had been given wrong information, that I subsequently relayed to a client. I am a ‘recovering’ perfectionist and this just jabbed me in a sensitive place.

I also felt betrayed that the client called our back office, I felt like he should have taken my word (yes, even though it was wrong) and accepted my alternate solution. It really hurt my feelings that he called our back office.

These were my thoughts, that these other people acted in a such a way, that I had no choice but to be triggered. But that isn’t true. I began to ask myself, the big question, WHY? Why did this situation bother me so much?

Here’s what I learned

First of all, as I looked into this deeper, it was really a reflection of my own insecurities. My own need to appear to be perfect, especially in the eyes of my client. Remember though, at this point the problem was solved and the client was happy. It was my perception of the situation that caused me to be triggered.

When I called my back office I expected a “no” response, I didn’t think we could do the thing the client wanted. I didn’t push. The person answering my question either didn’t understand or didn’t have the experience. It wasn’t malicious or intentional. They didn’t mean to give me bad information.

On the other hand, the client, when he called, expected a “yes” response and he pushed until he got one. His ‘expectation’ of a ‘yes’ was so great that he persisted until he got a hold of the right person with the right experience to not only answer his question but to do the task itself.

He wasn’t trying to undermine me or go around me. It wasn’t a lack of trust; it was simply he felt that we were the only solution to his problem.

I needed to dig deeper into myself and my own reactions. Once I did that, I could see that no other person tried to do anything to me, it was me, who triggered myself. It was me who was outraged by communicating misinformation to a client, it was me who felt betrayed by the client calling the back office.

Do you see that it wasn’t anything anyone did, but it was my reaction and in this case, my own insecurities, that caused me to be triggered. Now I know more about myself, now I can more easily handle a similar situation if it ever comes up again.

We are the only ones that can trigger ourselves. If we say to ourselves, I am the only one that can trigger myself, life becomes absolutely magical because then no one, nothing, no circumstances outside of yourself can bother you.

The second thing I would do in the future is keep it to myself. When I called my girlfriend, I was riled, angry, and upset. I was in no condition to unload on my friend in that moment. I wanted her sympathy, and I wanted her to agree with me because I was still in the mode of blaming other people.

In hindsight, I should have waited until I had taken a few minutes to think about the situation for myself. I should have taken the time to understand why it bothered me, before I unloaded on my unsuspecting friend. Maybe she was having a great day, but because I called her when I was in the midst of being triggered, I could have brought her down. I wish I would have waited until I at least felt neutral about the situation.

And third, when we recognize what’s happened and understand ourselves better, then we live life in a way that no one else has control over us, no one else can ‘make you’ feel this way or that. No one or situation can throw you off your game because it isn’t up to them how you feel, how you respond. You are in charge of yourself, and you have a choice, it’s up to you.

The power of choice is exactly that. It really becomes magical the day-to-day things that you experience because nothing can set you off. The news can’t bother you, your friends can’t bother you, your boss can’t bother you.

When you sit and do this little process of just understanding why it is that something triggered you, you open the doors to a wonderful frame of mind to live in.

I hope I gave you some interesting things to think about the next time you feel triggered. I’d love to hear your comments below if you have been triggered and how you handled it.

I wrote another article recently called, “Me Time: 3 Ways to Build Time for Self-Care into a Busy Schedule” where I talked about the importance of taking time out for yourself. Self-reflection is particularly important if you do get triggered, so it doesn’t pop up at night when you’re trying to fall asleep.

Sending you light and love, Danette